In Loving Memory of My Sister Phyllis

Phyllis Land

May 12, 1935 - April 30, 2008

This morning I lost my sister Phyllis to ana-plastic thyroid cancer. She was diagnosed in October of 2007. From the beginning the doctors told her it was the very deadliest form of cancer. We of course did not want to believe this and we prayed and asked God for healing. In January of 2008 she had a body scan and they found none in her body but the little at the thyroid that they were unable to get. But I guess after that it must have attacked her body with a vengeance. She started radiation and chemo in February but pulled her self out of it a couple of weeks ago and called in Hospice. Her husband and daughter Jan stayed with her at home. Jim and I went to visit her last weekend. She was just a shadow of this vibrant full of life person she used to be. We were there Fri to Sun and we watched her quick decline in even those 3 days.

She will always be remembered by me and my family. My children learned about the farm by staying with Phyllis and Randy on the farm. We all were treated to her and Randy's hospitality as we were always welcome to stay at their house when we made trips to ND. Her famous caramel rolls and dinner rolls are famous, not just in Kulm, but many states where she shared those goodies. She was a dynamic cook and loved to entertain and did it so lavishly. She worked circles around me and she made the Energizer Bunny look lazy.

Phyllis, my dear sister, you will be missed. See you in Heaven.

Love,

Sandi

For Twinsy

Here is a pic of my hair doooooo and the color

See how chubby I have gotten

The Weekend

My sister Phyllis is dying. Unless God does a miracle and heals her, I don't think we will have her with us long. Jim and I planned to go to ND this weekend to see her. We planned to leave at noon on Friday. I was going to leave work between 11 and 11:30 and we were going to head out around 1 or so we would have been on the road. But my sister Judy called and said that they were going to start giving her morphine and she might become very groggy, so I took off right then at 10:30. We were on the road by 11:45. It was raining, but when we got to around Alexandria MN it started to turn to snow and slush started building up on the roads very fast as the temps had dipped to the 32 degrees mark. There were several cars in the ditch so we slowed down very quick. When we got to the other side of Alexandria a few miles they had not had the rain and so the roads were not as slick. When we got to Fergus Falls and turned west the blowing snow made it almost white out conditions and snow was building up on the roads. We drove in weather like that until we got to Milnor, ND. When the snow stopped and it was just cold and windy. We got to my sister Judy's about 5:45. That was 7 hours after we started and usually the trip takes 5 hours.

I wanted to go right over to see my sister Phyllis before dinner so we went. When I saw her it was like someone hit me in the chest with a huge rock. She is a shadow of who she used to be. This was a lady who worked circles around us and here she is unable to walk by herself and by today she was not able to sit up by herself. It is such a horrible feeling to see your sibling laying there dying and there isn't a cotton picking thing you can do about it. I would give her what ever I could if she could be well again. I have cried so many tears, I don't know if there are many left. We stopped by to say good bye to her this morning before we left and I hugged her daughter Jan and I cried so hard knowing it is probably the last time I will see her alive unless God does a miracle. Which I KNOW he can do, but I don't know if he will do it and why not??? I sure do wish I knew. I just wanted to get in bed beside her and just lay there. Not talking to her or making her think or hear me, but just lay beside her. But I suppose the whole family would have thought I was stark raving mad, and maybe she would have too. But that is what I wanted to do,, just lay there and never leave her side.

I do feel totally emotionally wrung out tonight. I feel like I could lay down and go to sleep for a very very long time.

Please if you read this blog, will you pray for Phyllis that she wont have to suffer.

Thanks for reading

Blessings
Sandi

A Weekend With Calvin

This past weekend we doggy sat for our grand dog Calvin. He was such a good dog. On Friday we didn't want him to be home alone all day, so Jim took him to work with him, thinking he would leave him in the car and go out from time to time to walk him and give him something to drink. Well he actually took him into his work and all the people there loved on him. He liked them.

Friday night Calvin slept in his bed all night. But Saturday night about midnight, I felt him jump up on our bed, I told him that wouldn't work, so he went back to his bed. But about 4 in the morning, Jim had to make a john run and of course Calvin got up and Jim thought he should go out, so he let him out at 4 in the morning,, (I don't think his parents do that for him). When Jim came back to bed, I guess he thought it was OK for Calvin to join us and he curled up next to Jim's leg and finished out the night there.

During the day on Saturday, he would run into his kennel and just lay in there for a while, but when we were going to run to the store, we would ask him to "Kennel up" and he would but he would sit in there and shake. I guess he didn't mind being in there when he knew he could come and go as he pleased but didn't want to be locked in there so much. But he was good and didn't do anything bad.

Last night and this morning Jim said "It is amazing how fast you get used to having the dog around". He was kinda missing him,,,,,, and that from a man that said... "No, we will never have a dog". Time will tell about that, I just know while we work, it wont happen.

Blessings to all who enter and read and double blessings to those that let me know they were here!!

Sandi

Dreams

This morning in may back to sleep, sleep, I had a couple of dreams. One no doubt brought on by watching a program on severe weather patterns last night. In this dream Eric, Kim and I were in our house. Kim was pregnant and on the phone. I looked out and said,,, Oh man a tornado is coming. I grabbed Kim's hand and the 3 of us ran down stairs. We said doesn't sound like too much but wind and then we heard all kinds of glass breaking and then BLAM,, something fell through the basement floor and just missed Kim. I said, Kim are you alright,,, and I woke up. That was scary,,,,

Then I went back to sleep and I had a dream we were out eating, I think it was Jim and I and some other people not sure who all, but Geri, Gil's sister was there. We were celebrating something, (no doubt that came from Jim and I going out for our anniversary last night) and eating and Geri said look up over your head. And here Gil was and he bent over me and put 2 beautiful red roses on the table and he bent down by me and I grabbed him and we hugged and hugged and my crying woke me... Darn!!!!!

Well that's it... Just sharing my dreams

Blessings
Sandi

Faith - Do I have any?

Right now after having a good long cry right here at my desk, I am wondering if I have any faith. I am wondering sometimes if there is such a thing as faith. I cant remember when my faith has been so non existent.

Today I learned that my sister Phyllis was put on oxygen and the doctors have told her there is nothing more they can do for her and she is on hospice. I was sooooo sure that God had done a miracle in her life when 3 months after being diagnosed with this fastest of fast moving cancers they did a body scan and found it no where else in her body. But,, alas, she is dying.

Why hasn't God healed her? Why didn't God heal Gil? Why does it seem he heals so rarely? I am really struggling with my faith right now. I knew as sure as I live and breathe that he is able to do it, yet----------------------NOTHING!!

God help me!! God help my unbelief!! I feel as if I am loosing all faith.

Sandi

Wow... Work has been hectic these last 2 weeks OR

Or, I am getting old and it just seems that way. I dont know if it really has been busier then any other time in my job here. But these last 2 weeks have been nuts. By 4 in the afternoon, my butt is dragging!!! For one thing it is the end of the first quarter and all that quarterly reporting has to be done along with the distributions. But today I am REALLY tired and I would love to go home and just crash!! In fact I think I am going to pretty much do that.

I havent been out since I was out and had breakfast with my cousin from WA but they say it is warm and windy, and I can see the windy part. I would love to open windows when I get home, but, if it is really windy, I dont suppose I will open many, maybe the front door and patio door for a bit. Oh to have some fresh air running through the house!!!

Maybe too I am feeling this way because my sister Phyllis is not doing well. When I think of it the tears come to my eyes and they dont pay any attention to my brain telling them to stop it. I hate cancer. It is a merciless beast. If you read this, please say a prayer for her,, OK?

Blessings to all
Sandi

Minnesota Baseball - Football

I know it should not bug me,,,, but it does. I hate that Jim is not a Minnesota sports fan. He is OK with the Twins as long as they don't play the Tigers, but tonight it was a slug fest in Detroit between the Twins and Tigers. When the Twins were leading, he was a sour puss!! Then Detroit ended up winning and he started to say things that just bugged me!! I didn't say anything but "I am glad you are happy". I am not upset that the Twins lost. Heck they haven't been chosen to do much of anything this year with their young players and trading away all there mature fantastic talent, so there is no need to gloat when the team that was picked to win the World Series and has won only 2 , well 3 games now, to me, anyway, a Twins fan in MINNESTOA. Football season is even worse. He plain out and out doesn't like the Vikings so we rarely watch football together. I sure do miss Gil. I miss him alot, but when it comes to watching sports I feel like I am all alone unless one of my kids are here. I really have no one to celebrate with me now. I know it is strange that a woman is so passionate about sports, but hey,,, it is who I am!!!!!

I know this is stupid, but when Jim shows those emotions against the Minnesota teams I really just want to run away. I wonder to myself "How can I be married to this man?" I should have had a clue when we went to pre-marital counseling and the sports thing came up in our counseling. That should have been a red flad that it was going to be an issue.

Well all I can hope for is for Minnesota teams to whip Michigan teams!!! There has to be some justice!!!

OK,,, getting off my soap box

Sandi

Hello God

A friend shared this web site with me. I think it is something we all should read and pray. Click and be blessed or challenged!!

HelloGod

Blessings
Sandi