The Dark Cloud

Sometimes I wonder if I am sane!!! I woke up this morning thinking I was going to be a ball of fire today. I got my shopping list ready and was out the door by 8. By the time I got home from grocery shopping and stopping at the library and the bank, a HUGE dark cloud had settled in over my head. All I want to do is cry. I am missing EVERYONE. Tonja, Gil, my Mom and Dad, my grandkids, my sister. It seems in the last few years so much has changed, and I REALLY HATE IT. I know that change is inevitable, but why so much so fast. In the past 6 years, my sister (best freind and neighbor) moved to ND, my husband died, and my daughter moved away and all the mess that has come into her life since then. Oh there were changes of blessings too. Gaining a new daughter in law, 4 new grandchildren, a husband and step children and step grandchildren. All of that is good, yet with that comes additional stresses, and when I stop and really think about it, I dont think I handled the losses very good. In hind site, I think I told myself well that is just how life is and I will go on, not allowing myself the time and the priviledge to REALLY grieve those losses. And today, it feels like my whole inside is ready to explode for the loss of all of them.

God help me

Sandi